People that we know strongly disliked their first year of marriage, is what I'm trying to say. Or at least they dislike it looking back?
Anyway, Happy Monday! And Happy 6 Months of Marriage to us!
Thank you, thank you.
When we were getting ready for our wedding, people "advised" us that the first year of marriage is the hardest of your life. I don't have much to compare it to, but we're sort of ok? For us, at least, nothing much has changed since being married. We still are working towards some career goals, still watch too much TV and drink too much wine, and still know we want kids at some point, though "some point" has varying definitions depending on who you're talking to and what mood they're in.
That being said, though, there are a few things I've learned about marriage and my spouse in the past 6 months. In no particular order, here they are:
- People are dying to know when we're going to start trying to have kids. That, of course, is code for "people are dying to know how much sex we're having and what intention we have for said sex." Ew, guys. It's simple: don't call us, we'll call you!
- Along those same lines, y'all crazies got OPINIONS ON BABIES, man. "Have them right now!" from the folks that just had their first and are obsessed with her and wish they'd started sooner. "It ruins your life, wait until you've done EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WANTED TO DO!" from the overworked Mama with challenging attitudes coming from her littles, and every other gee-dee opinion you can possibly think of. My favorite part of this whole exercise is that these opinion-givers seem to think that their experience will DEFINITELY be ours, and that's just kind of funny. Likely we'll make some decisions about family, execute them in one way or another, and that'll work for us. Even if it's different than what you did.
- The Howerstings require downtime. When we were planning our wedding, we were tired. Totally, really, overwhelmingly tired. Now we make an effort to be QUIET - and we're both better for it. Jay needs time in the morning, I usually need time at night. We spent a lot of time in the fall being totes social and fabulous, and it made us grouchy with each other in the end. So, we don't do it anymore. One of you actually suggested that we'd need more time together than we think when we asked for advice before our wedding, and you were right! It's working nicely.
- We fight WAY better than before. When we were "dating," slash paying all bills together and living together," there was still an out, in my mind at least. So, why not air every grievance and scream and yell every 10 days or so? Ugh. Once we got married, there seemed to be precious little reason to stay mad. We're in this, may as well be happy about it, right? We've had a "why are we even married?!!?" screaming fest once, and we got over it in 2 hours. So, phew. Also, maybe we don't drink as much now? Drunk fights....so dumb. Can be avoided by not drinking so much that you revert to crying college girl in bathroom. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE.
- I don't care about the toilet seat. This is a weird one. I go out with my friends, and there's all this "he said he didn't like my blue dress, and I LOVE THAT DRESS AND HOW COULD HE?!!?!?" Don't get me wrong, I partake in my share of "That MAN....." conversations, but rarely about stuff that's small. The toilet seat being left up is fine - why should he have to accommodate me and not the other way around? If he doesn't like blue and I do then FINE. I forget sometimes, but I've tried to make a conscious effort to have a "will this matter when we're 90" attitude when I feel irritated, which is approximately ever 10 minutes because I'm an asshole. It helps remind me that I'M the problem, not him. Most of the time. Except, of course, when he's the problem. Of course.
Jay's got some thoughts that he'll share with you later this week, and they probably have to do with what it's like to be married to a controlling butthead who writes about your marriage on the interwebz.
So, not the worst year of our lives so far. By a long shot. Maybe it's a perspective thing? I just think that....beyond navigating the issue that HOLYSHITONEPERSONFORTHERESTOFMYLIFE, life is still good. We're not dealing with kids, death, illness, or other things that really uproot your life. I'm saving my worst year for when it's worth it. Makes sense, right?
Got any advice for the SECOND six months of marriage? We're going to the beach with my family to celebrate our anniversary, my parents' anniversary, and GRADUATION from this Master's I'm sloughing through. That got decided this weekend, and YES.
Off to scream at Jay for something mundane that isn't the toilet seat but that is REALLY important to me.....