People that we know strongly disliked their first year of marriage, is what I'm trying to say. Or at least they dislike it looking back?
Anyway, Happy Monday! And Happy 6 Months of Marriage to us!
Thank you, thank you.
When we were getting ready for our wedding, people "advised" us that the first year of marriage is the hardest of your life. I don't have much to compare it to, but we're sort of ok? For us, at least, nothing much has changed since being married. We still are working towards some career goals, still watch too much TV and drink too much wine, and still know we want kids at some point, though "some point" has varying definitions depending on who you're talking to and what mood they're in.
That being said, though, there are a few things I've learned about marriage and my spouse in the past 6 months. In no particular order, here they are:
- People are dying to know when we're going to start trying to have kids. That, of course, is code for "people are dying to know how much sex we're having and what intention we have for said sex." Ew, guys. It's simple: don't call us, we'll call you!
- Along those same lines, y'all crazies got OPINIONS ON BABIES, man. "Have them right now!" from the folks that just had their first and are obsessed with her and wish they'd started sooner. "It ruins your life, wait until you've done EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WANTED TO DO!" from the overworked Mama with challenging attitudes coming from her littles, and every other gee-dee opinion you can possibly think of. My favorite part of this whole exercise is that these opinion-givers seem to think that their experience will DEFINITELY be ours, and that's just kind of funny. Likely we'll make some decisions about family, execute them in one way or another, and that'll work for us. Even if it's different than what you did.
- The Howerstings require downtime. When we were planning our wedding, we were tired. Totally, really, overwhelmingly tired. Now we make an effort to be QUIET - and we're both better for it. Jay needs time in the morning, I usually need time at night. We spent a lot of time in the fall being totes social and fabulous, and it made us grouchy with each other in the end. So, we don't do it anymore. One of you actually suggested that we'd need more time together than we think when we asked for advice before our wedding, and you were right! It's working nicely.
- We fight WAY better than before. When we were "dating," slash paying all bills together and living together," there was still an out, in my mind at least. So, why not air every grievance and scream and yell every 10 days or so? Ugh. Once we got married, there seemed to be precious little reason to stay mad. We're in this, may as well be happy about it, right? We've had a "why are we even married?!!?" screaming fest once, and we got over it in 2 hours. So, phew. Also, maybe we don't drink as much now? Drunk fights....so dumb. Can be avoided by not drinking so much that you revert to crying college girl in bathroom. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE.
- I don't care about the toilet seat. This is a weird one. I go out with my friends, and there's all this "he said he didn't like my blue dress, and I LOVE THAT DRESS AND HOW COULD HE?!!?!?" Don't get me wrong, I partake in my share of "That MAN....." conversations, but rarely about stuff that's small. The toilet seat being left up is fine - why should he have to accommodate me and not the other way around? If he doesn't like blue and I do then FINE. I forget sometimes, but I've tried to make a conscious effort to have a "will this matter when we're 90" attitude when I feel irritated, which is approximately ever 10 minutes because I'm an asshole. It helps remind me that I'M the problem, not him. Most of the time. Except, of course, when he's the problem. Of course.
Jay's got some thoughts that he'll share with you later this week, and they probably have to do with what it's like to be married to a controlling butthead who writes about your marriage on the interwebz.
So, not the worst year of our lives so far. By a long shot. Maybe it's a perspective thing? I just think that....beyond navigating the issue that HOLYSHITONEPERSONFORTHERESTOFMYLIFE, life is still good. We're not dealing with kids, death, illness, or other things that really uproot your life. I'm saving my worst year for when it's worth it. Makes sense, right?
Got any advice for the SECOND six months of marriage? We're going to the beach with my family to celebrate our anniversary, my parents' anniversary, and GRADUATION from this Master's I'm sloughing through. That got decided this weekend, and YES.
Off to scream at Jay for something mundane that isn't the toilet seat but that is REALLY important to me.....
Happy graduation! As for the rest of it? I dated my hubby for 11 years before tying the knot, then we had kids. So I'm probably not the person to ask about anything - but I'll say the first year of marriage was awesome for us. All downhill from there! 😉
Feel very much the same about year 1 of married life. Some things are hard but I really like my husband, that is why we got married. One reflection is that we go through phases, I think this is encouraging because if your in a not so fun phase, just like bad weather, it will pass and a sunny day is on its way.
Haha! Having babies? Pishaw! Now MAKING babies is what I'm talking about. I'm really glad though it took us 5 years to actually have one. I say, soak it all in. And occasionally sit on the toilet rim (when the seat's up) to let him know you're in it for the long haul. Cause there may be many more gross things you'll wind up doing for him, that's just a good start.
Happy Sixmonthiversary! Everything past the first year is a cake walk. With lit coals. Barefoot. (JK)
My husband has 3 siblings and I have one. All of us were married within a 12 month period. Then they all had kids within the next 12 month period. Then everyone looked at us, ???, for the next 8.5 years….we were married 9.5 years before we had our first! We have been married 38 years now. All I can say is to have children when YOU are ready. Not when the rest of the world thinks you are. Some folks are ready when they are 22 years old, some are not. It changes your life forever. If YOU are ready, then it is the best in the world! Congrats on your first 6 months-keep laughing! Don't take yourself too seriously!