2 Years Together

Dear Jay,

You're on the couch right now.  You're always on the couch.  

I hate it for you, and I know that you hate it about 9,737 more times than I do.  

The thing is, though, if you look back just 16 days to when your ankle was dangling at your shin you'll realize just how far you've come.  For heaven's sake, you go to the bathroom by yourself all. the. time. now, which is great for your dignity and my sleep and our marriage.  Everyone wins.  When our little girl is 16 days old she will not be using the bathroom by herself, so you are officially way more advanced than a newborn.  

This blows, I know it does.  But, do you know how wonderful it's been to watch you these past few weeks, being SO determined to heal and heal quickly?  You haven't complained except for when you are in actual physical pain, and that does creep up on you a lot.  You've tried so hard do be positive and kind and gentle, and you've succeeded.  Healing from something like this sucks, it sucks hard.  And, yes, of course we've talked about how it could be a lot worse, we could not have insurance, I could even be more pregnant, we're grateful, whatever.  It's all true.  But it's also true that this seriously sucks day in and day out, and I KNOW that you're counting the hours until you feel slightly less like an invalid and a burden again.  

The thing is, you are neither of those.  Even during this time you've been the first to ask if I'm ok, if family members or drama or stress is becoming too much, if I can feel the baby move (it feels so fucking weird.  not cute and snuggly at all), and what you can do to help me rest more or sleep better.  You don't tell me that I'm not doing things right or fast enough and you don't scream too much when I accidentally hurt your leg.  You offered to do the laundry yesterday.  I have no clue how you actually intended to follow through with that offer, but you were so sincere and I think you'd have broken your other leg to finish a load if you thought I wanted you to.  

I don't.  For the love of God please don't break anything else.  I'll take care of the chores.  

And that's just how it's going to go, right?  When I freak out you take care of everything.  When you break your leg I take care of everything.  The best times are when we're both mentally and physically fit and we partner so beautifully and it's all sunshine and roses, but we know that our whole life won't be like that.  It's a life, though, not lives.  This one life that we're making together is a great one, even when I lose my mind, even when you break your body, even when things feel like they're all crashing down at once.  They might be, but they'll crash and settle and we'll be right back where we started soon enough.  People keep telling us that "one day you'll laugh at all this," but what they don't know is that I'm already jokingly calling you lazy and we're already cracking up at what a comedy of errors this whole nonsense is.  

I think that as long as we continue in this way we have very little to worry about.  We can't control catastrophe and accident and drama created by other people.  Those things are always going to exist.  But when it's just you and me, even when everything blows, we're perfect, all the time, and we really like each other.  I really like you.  Sometimes we have to be reminded of those things, and sometimes we take a break from being all bff-y, but in general we have this secret code of how we get through life, and it's working really well.  

So you're going to get better, and the baby is going to grow and be fine or not be fine and it'll just work out, like it always does, because you're the greatest and I got you.  And it makes me so happy, all day every day.  

I love you, and I'm super glad I don't have to empty your pee bottle anymore,

Lindsay

P.S. For our anniversary I bought you a titanium rod and 3 screws for your shin.  I hope you like them!  They take some adjusting to but I think you'll find they're a really nice addition to our collection.  I am still bringing home sushi tonight, though.  So, there's that.