Will Hunt for Food

For as long as I can remember I’ve never been what you’d call a “sportsman.”  Sure, I played little league and I enjoy whitewater kayaking, but I’ve never worn camouflage or had the desire to drive a truck.  Those are the things best left to the right wing, conservative, country Christians that I grew up with.  I would only want to be caught wearing a pair of cowboy boots if it was considered ironic.  The closest I ever got to being a “sportsman” was when my father took me dove hunting when I was a child.  It was a horrific event.  I shot 9 birds dead, but the tenth one did not go gentle into that good night.  It flopped and fought for its life, which I removed along with its head when my father made me ring its neck.  I screamed like a little girl as I held that bird’s head in my hand and had a bunch of grown rednecks laugh at me.  That being said…I’d rather hunt dove, deer, and kittens than Job Hunt.

Hunting for a job is a constant reminder that you aren’t good enough and lack experience in almost everything in this world.  You are constantly having the rug pulled out from under you while job hunting.  Think you’d like to sell pharmaceutical drugs?  Well, think again because apparently you need a degree in science and 3-5 years experience in selling pharmaceutical drugs.  How hard is it to go to a doctor and say, “Hey my little blue pills make your penis harder and for longer and they’re cheaper and they’ve only killed 12 men and 38 monkeys.  I really think you ought to buy from me.”  I’m sure it’s not quiiiiite like that but it’s gotta be damn close.  In addition to NEVER being qualified for a job, you start to realize that most of the things you’re applying for are going to suck even if you get it.  What child ever dreams of being in a windowless room 8 hours a day selling a product that they don’t care about for a paycheck?  I’m going to say that that has literally NEVER happened.  But, I’m 31 and need health insurance and we all have to compromise.  You just have to hope you don’t work with a bunch of uptight losers.  Any job is tolerable if you work with a good group of alcoholics or drug users....right?.  Those people are the best and will never out work you and make you look bad.

There are good jobs available but you just have to have experience.  I guess you gain experience by having a sh*tty job and then moving up.  I just wish you could lie about experience.  I know, I know…it’s “wrong” but don’t most jobs have a training period?  Isn’t that what it’s there for?  So they can train the inexperienced?  It’s not like I’d be lying in order to get that brain surgeon’s job.  No, I’d tell a little white lie and say that I’ve got TONS of experience selling widgets and then I’d work my ass off to prove that I could do it.  Experience is nothing compared to having the will to succeed, but unfortunately that’s something that never pops up in an interview.  But man oh man, can I tell you about how I overcame an obstacle in order to do my job well!  One time I had to walk around a fallen tree in order to get into work.  That was a big obstacle!

J