Things To Google When You're Pregnant

29 weeks.  

I've said it about a thousand times, but I'm in this funny place where moment to moment I alternate between holy shit this baby is coming tomorrow I'm not ready and omg this baby is never coming out of me what the heck.  

So I'm super calm and confident, is what I'm saying.

One of the most ridiculous things about being pregnant in this era is that you have so. much. information at your fingertips via the Google machines that we all are so addicted to.  I spend tons of time reading anything I can get my hands on about pregnancy, and the most ridiculous things have come up in some of my questions and searches.  I use the midwives for lots of questions, but my questions come up so often that I just can't always wait for the experts to tell me.  

So, naturally, I make myself into an expert by reading lots of stuff, because that's practically like med school.  

So, to celebrate almost 20 pounds gained and 29 mother effing weeks of knocked-uped-ness, here is a likely incomplete list of things I have Googled since I found out I was pregnant in April. Some...themes come up again and again.  Warning:  Ew.  

• pregnancy symptoms first trimester
• home pregnancy test accuracy rates
• how many pregnancy tests should I take before calling the doctor
• pregnancy app
• how much can I drink during pregnancy
• accidentally binge drinking before finding out you're pregnant
• clever ways to tell partner you're pregnant
• how to choose a midwife or OB
• cold medicine during pregnancy
• afrin during pregnancy
• pregnancy afrin risks
• cramping during first trimester
• how will I know if fetus dies
• mucous blobs in vagina pregnancy
• when can I feel my baby kick
• when will I know I'm feeling my baby kick
• eptopic pregnancy
• round ligament pain
• pros and cons of genetic testing 
• unsafe foods during pregnancy
• why can't I eat lunch meat during pregnancy
• hot yoga during pregnancy
• sex during pregnancy
• how long can I sleep on my stomach during pregnancy
• nursery decorating tips diy
• nursery decorating tips budget
• greenville sc daycare top rated
• greenville sc daycare downtown
• moles on vagina pregnancy
• cloth diapering for beginners
• is afrin safe during pregnancy
• breastfeeding tips and tricks
• how to choose a daycare
• best designer jeans maternity
• best baby registry
• baby bottle preferences
• pack and play ratings 2015
• infant car seat ratings 2015
• best strollers 2015
• babywearing products
• breast pump options
• 1 hour glucose tolerance test
• failed 1 hour glucose tolerance test
• 3 hour glucose tolerance test
• gestational diabetes treatment and risks
• maternity pants
• when is a fetus viable
• are nipples open your whole life
• when do nipples open pregnancy
• fetal kick counter app
• ideal pregnancy weight gain
• choroid plexus cysts
• choroid plexus cysts trisomy 18
• do babies with trisomy 18 ever live
• can I drink while breastfeeding
• can I squish my baby if I accidentally sleep on my stomach
• drop side crib safety
• co-sleeping
• fmla
• how long will I bleed after giving birth
• episiotomy
• stitches after giving birth
• SIDS

So here we are!  I'm relatively well-clothed and have no blobs of mucous coming out of me for the time being and am worried about my body ripping while giving birth and whether or not my baby will die in her sleep after she makes it out alive.  Things are going super well.  

BUT we do have some awesome hand-me-downs from some incredibly generous friends and they're just so cute that it makes the dead baby stuff go away most of the time.  Also, if you have any google-like answers to any of my questions feel free to chime in, or tell me that I'm not the only one who googles everything all the time.  

PS I took that picture on my phone because Jay doesn't care to document my belly but selfies are kind of distorting and I look way bigger than this in real life.  But also my chins look OK here so let's roll with it, k?  

Thank you for your time.