Things George Carlin Has Eaten This Week ~a list~

Have you read any for-sale house listings recently?

Hear me out. One of my favorite things is really random things that will or will not stay with the house - a corner cupboard that fits in this.exact.spot. and the seller doesn't want to take it with them, that type of thing. And so in the listing it says "custom corner cupboard will convey." Or someone loves their light fixtures and it's all "chandelier in third bathroom on the left will not convey."

To be very clear, I'd be thrilled with a house with three bathrooms, but we'll see about all that if and when we sell our house.

Anyway, this week George Carlin Hastings The Black Lab Puppy has gotten himself into some MISCHIEF. He's been a chewer/gnawer since we got him last June, but it really feels like it's gotten worse recently.

I'd like to note before I start this list that he DOES have an approved list of things to chew. We aren't monsters. Those things are scattered around the house and include a stuffed monkey that has been defiled of its squeaker, three vertebrae bones, something called an ANTLER BONE, a Kong that we fill with peanut butter, two lacrosse balls, and a tennis ball. All his to chew. But he prefers to color outside the lines, and so, here are some other things he has chewed and/or eaten this week:

• The wall in our new addition, straight through to the plumbing, the day before the house went on the market.
• A large potted tree on our porch, the day before the house went on the market.
• A book of Beck's. One that I didn't like, lucky for him.
• Several napkins left on the table after dinner, which he had to ... work ... to get to.
• The baby glider that has been moved to the living room for Jay's golf viewing pleasure, aka I now nurse sitting on the floor at night and the chair has been chewed up.
• Rug corners.
• Wall corners.
• Shoe molding corners.
• A baby bib, which he ate in its entirety and I didn't realize until it got stuck coming out and I had to pull it out of his ass.
• A chunk of his sleeping blanket, which he ate in its entirety and I didn't realize until it got stuck coming out and I had to PULL IT OUT OF HIS ASS.

Yes. This long-suffering dog mom watched her dog poop, realized it wasn't all...detaching, then had to finish the job with paper towels while George Carlin Hastings The Black Lab Puppy thrashed his not-all-the-way-finished butt around on the floor. Twice in one day.

George Carlin will convey with the sale of the home.

The end.

(literally all of this is true, zero exaggerations for once. I hate everything.)