The reminiscing continues, with bottom stitches! 
I know, you're so very welcome. ...
pregnancy
At 6 Weeks Postpartum
At so we have a 6 week old! 
But this isn't about her. I mean, it's about her, but you know. More about her...entry point?
Sorry, SORRY. I know. Let's get back to the recipes and baby pictures, right?
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2015 In Review
Guys, it's the last day of the year. Can you even believe it? It seems like five seconds ago that we were welcoming our neighbor's baby into the world and having a really quiet little NYE at our place with food and friends this time last year. This year we're a family of THREE, we're having an even more quiet NYE, and it's been just the best year. Also, as of about 6 weeks ago I was still writing 2014 on hospital forms, so let's see how long it takes 2016 to sink in! Probably until 2020. 
Stop, please, time. kthanks.
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Beck's Birth Story {jay's version!}
The phrase, “zero to sixty” is usually reserved for the automotive industry. It typically describes how quickly a certain car can accelerate to sixty miles an hour. However, on rare occasions it can accurately illustrate how fast a man can move when awakened by his wife saying, “Honey, I’m in labor. We gotta get up and go.” I couldn’t have hopped out of bed faster if I had springs mounted on my ass. Like a bullet from a gun I was propelled into reality at break-neck speed. “Oh shit! What can I do? How are you feeling? Did your water break? Oh shit! What the fuck!?” All of those questions came racing off my tongue while running in place. If I were Fred Flinstone, there would have been a plumb of smoke peeling off my feet. We were off to the races.
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Beck's Birth Story {part 2 + pictures}
I figured out how to squiggle out my nipple to show you pictures of the baby being born, I know you're super thrilled about that. It worked about 80% of the time. Some places I couldn't be bothered. 
I was thinking on what I wrote yesterday about Beck's birth, and how there is so much more to say, but I'd written over 3,000 words and felt like it needed to stop because no one wants to read that much in one sitting anymore, right? Books, schmooks. So I stopped, and then I realized that this is probably what the phrase there are no words really means. In reality, there are ALL the words, but no matter how many you put down it's just never right or enough or something.
So we'll just add more words to the situation to really clear things up, ok?
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Beck's Birth Story {part 1}
OMG we've had a baby for 6 days. I went into labor a week ago today. 
What the ever-loving crap, guys.
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Just For Fun - More Maternity Pics
I promise this is it with the vain self-indulgent photography. 
My bff is just super talented and we had so much FUN doing these pictures, it kind of makes the current discomfort and impatience a teensy bit better.
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How to Get Babies Out of Bodies
Third Trimester Maternity Favs
WELL. 
To celebrate being 38 weeks pregnant, I have thrown out my back and can barely move. And no, this is not back labor unless back labor is spasms in the mid/upper back that only occur when I move the wrong way and/or breathe.
Run of the mill thrown-out-back, but WHAT THE EFF, BODY. Clearly we have plenty to deal with without adding another thing, right? Apparently not.
But, to further celebrate yesterday being CYBER MONDAY and all the monayyy I spent, let's have a list of things I've loved in the end-zone of pregnancy. The first list is here!
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Five for Friday ~jay's birthday
Pregnancy Right Now: 37 Weeks + Pictures!
So we arrived. To full-term, to the point where if I go into labor right. this. second. we can attempt birth at the birth center (always as long as nothing changes or goes wrong) and no one will lose their minds. Except me, who is always losing her mind. Hence the ironic picture. 
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For Posterity's Sake
Family, in Pictures
On Saturday two of my best friends threw me a baby shower (it feels selfish to say that like...they threw the baby a shower and I'm just her representative) and it was lovely and wonderful and I'm going to tell you all about it. The party was in our neighborhood, so before we headed over my sisters and mom came over to take some pictures because 1. we didn't at the beach this year, 2. we were all showered and looked pretty good and 3. we won't all be together at Thanksgiving, which is when we usually have this ritual of kind of fighting about pictures but then being really happy we took some. 
It's always kind of a process.
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Pregnancy Right Now - Week 35
We have arrived at the total downhill mark of things. After 30 weeks it felt kind of like an uphill battle to get to 35 without being so terribly all the time impatient, but NOW. Now we can say that, if full-term ends up being a thing, we will have our baby in 2 to 7 weeks (I'll be induced on day 1 of week 42 if homegirl doesn't make an appearance before then). A 5 week window of health is wide for those of us who like to plan, but so be it. Two more weeks, and then we just...wait. Do normal things, work, practice car seat stuff, have Thanksgiving, and wait. 
I'm a little bit impatient.
Physically, I'm gradually slowing down. I've gotten progressively achier and more tired, and have had a glorious cold to make everything extra special in the meantime. I'm down to 3 yoga classes a week, and in a few weeks I won't be teaching at all, which is so weird. Yoga is more and more uncomfortable unless I'm doing prenatal yoga, so it's definitely time to let it go. The belly is just...there, you know? Folds or anything involving legs near shoulders just don't work the way they used to, but I'm proud of the fact that I made it this long teaching a pretty rigorous schedule.
The pain I'm in comes almost exclusively from my ligaments under my belly, which just get TIRED after too much walking or standing. I've also started to have some awful sciatic pain in my right hip that gets to me after too many hours of sitting down. If I stand for too long my ligaments hurt, if I sit for too long my right hip bone feels like it's going to snap in half. That particular pain is the absolute worst, take-your-breath-away kind of thing. I can avoid it if I make sure to get up and down throughout the day, but once I've been sitting for too long and it sets in there is no fixing it until I either can be nearly totally reclined on a couch or in bed, which is super not cool when it hits about 2 hours before work is over and then I have to drive home. Driving with that pain is my least favorite thing so far about pregnancy. ...
A Conversation With Baby and Jay
The Week Jay Freaked Out About Crowning And Other Birth-Related Items
Jay just got the courage up to write about the night in birth class that included birth videos. On the drive home that night he was QUIET, and it took awhile for him to process what he'd seen.
Week three of birthing class was intense. While the first two weeks of class were lecture based with group conversations, week three focused on videos. Unedited, raw, no green-screen digital effects, real-as-shit video. These videos should be shown in high schools everywhere. They'd be the best condom commercials ever. These are films that John Carpenter, Sam Rami, Eli Roth, and Wes Craven would have been proud of. I remember the first time I ever saw a porno movie and being excited to experience first hand what I was witnessing. It would take me many, many years to remotely come close to the action I saw in that video, and so I guess part of the shock of these birthing videos is the immediacy of birth. While these birthing videos were just as graphic and moan-filled as any porn I’ve seen, they were also just as terrifying as any horror movie I’ve seen. It’s scary because you don’t want to see the woman you love be in pain. It’s terrifying because you can’t do anything except be calm (which seems fucking impossible), supportive, and try to keep her as relaxed as possible. I totally understand a doula’s purpose. I would love a coach just for me. When a pitcher is struggling in a baseball game, the manager will walk out to the mound and help calm the pitcher down and reassure him of his ability. I need that in the delivery room. I want that in the delivery room. “Jay, get your head in the game delivery room. She needs you in there. Stop crying, be a man! Now get in there and be a positive, caring support system for your beautiful wife.” YOU GOT IT MAKE-BELIEVE DOULA!
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On The End Of Birth Class {lindsay}
We have graduated from birth class and are, like, totally qualified to watch my body push a kid out of it.
Which is kind of the main thing, besides Jay preparing lots of snacks. The midwives tell us at every appointment that we need to have lots of food for labor, and then other stuff says "you will vomit and not want to eat." So...snacks it is! Other than that we're supposed to let contractions happen and THAT sounds like a blast....
On Birth Class {jay}
“The female body is designed to succeed.” That is the first bit of information that our birthing class instructor told us, which is why it is written across the top page of my notepad and underlined. While this is great news for Lindsay, it doesn’t say much about my success rate. The law of averages puts my performance squarely in the shitter, struggling not to fail and implode. This birthing class helps provide us with a clear (and I mean crystal clear) understanding of what the birthing experience will be like. Lindsay is the star of this production and I’m fulfilling the role of being a stage Mom. I am to be abundantly supportive, have snacks ready at moment’s notice, and prevent myself from saying anything stupid or alarming like, “Honey, you think they could perform a c-section with a chainsaw? Like if they HAD to.” But, this class is really wonderful. It’s been great to receive information in a positive, supportive environment that is totally cool with smart ass remarks. Allow me to share some of my notes with you.
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Pregnancy Right Now - 30 Weeks
30 weeks. 30 weeks! 30 WEEKS!! 
It seems close to 40 and yet really far away. I was walking with my BFF last night and she was saying that it doesn't feel like long since I was telling her I was pregnant at SEVEN weeks, and in some ways it really doesn't seem that long ago. In others? A lifetime. My sense of time is all wonky.
But here we are, 30 weeks, only SEVEN weeks until full-term, and 10 until I reach OMG GET HER OUT stage. Although, frankly, that might happen a lot sooner. I keep telling myself to not even get remotely excited until my actual due date, that there's no chance she'll come early, but then I'm all OMG GET HER OUT. So, that's fun.
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A Cartoon + Some Advice
So, yesterday at the midwives (it feels like every damn day, I swear), Jay was recording my weight and was all "so, almost 20 pounds!" And I didn't care, but I also felt the need to say, because it's true, "I don't feel like I've gained 20 pounds." And he said VERY quickly, "you definitely don't look like you have!"
And I just stared at him thoughtfully and said "there is literally nothing else you could have said in that moment that would have been ok. Well done." ...