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baby will

Baby Will: 12 months.

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Beck and I were talking yesterday about how these will be the last cactus blanket pictures, and I was just like WHAT.IS.HAPPENING. He's one. One!

Little Light of Mine just doesn't even begin to describe Will. As I look back on this year I feel a pretty big mix of nostalgia, happiness, regret, and disbelief at the sheer speed of the passage of time. But that's about the year, not about Will. Will is the sweetest little light and has been the most wonderful addition to our family. His curious, vibrant little personality has started to show itself more and more the last several months, and he is just the best tiny person.

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Baby Will: 11 months.

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For the last baby, can we keep counting months forever?

Will "turning" 11 months has brought tons of fun growth and development for him, tons of nostalgia for me. It's not sadness, necessarily. I'm very careful to focus on how pleased I am every time one of my kids hits a milestone, and I really am pleased for them. It's just that I like almost all of the stages of babyhood so much, when things turn out to be the last time I feel nostalgic for how quickly things are going. 

  • The last time Will rode in his infant carrier.
  • The last time we gave him a baby food pouch.
  • The last time we quartered (yes) blueberries for him.
  • The last time we gave him a bath in the sink.

None of it was intentional and we didn't know in the moment that it was the last time, it just was. 

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Baby Will: 10 months.

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My HEAVENS, this child is so visually appealing I can't even stand it.

And, if you know me, you know I'm not a big fan AT ALL of only focusing on how kids look, and we know several people (don't get offended, look inward) who literally cannot talk to a child unless they are commenting on their looks. So I go all opposite with how smart they are.

BUT. This child is seriously adorable, and I credit it to the expressions. He's hilarious, knows it, makes it work for him. Tres expressive.

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Baby Will: 9 months.

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Nine months in, nine months out! I haven't counted the days or weeks or however people do those things, so we're calling it close enough.

LOOK AT THIS CHUNK! Sitting all by himself for long stretches of time, getting pissy when no one gathers him up fast enough, fixating wildly on toys, and the most pleasant little demeanor all wrapped up in this tiny person.

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Baby Will: 7 months.

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Sweeter and sweeter every month, pretty much.

The last three or four weeks have been very bigly (gross) for Young William. He all of a sudden feels like a big kid, and the predictability and good moods that come with a nicely solidified sleep schedule are just GOLD.

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Baby Will: 5 months.

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Reeeeallly rounding third toward having this little friend for a half a year, something that I'm not comfortable with at all.

This wonderful little friend is five months, and with every month of course I can't believe it. I've been thinking a lot about his birth lately and those first few holy days at home when he was so new and squishy, and it's almost like I can't remember that those moments were with him, he's just so different. I know him so much better now, and his little personality is the most wonderful thing to watch explode. 

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Baby Will: 4 months.

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It is such a great privilege to watch a tiny human grow.

....until it is 4am, at which point it is the WORST THING EVER AND WHY DID I HAVE KIDS.

I imagine this sort of shift in perception is what it must like to be a baby - everything's great, boob, warm, lights, and then tired or huger strikes and WORST THING EVER. So in that, I feel like Will and I understand each other a whole lot.

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Baby Sleep at Three Months

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....almost four months, but that will include a regression and it'll be terrible and there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

The topic of sleep is always so fraught with...everything...I guess, when it comes to babies. Babies don't sleep like adults do, but they somehow sleep a lot. Babies don't know how to sleep on their own, but it's dangerous for them to sleep with you (according to some). Lack of sleep is used as a literal form of torture, so the parents dealing with this generally don't deal all that well.

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Baby Will: 3 Months.

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The good news here is that this is the time when babies start to look a little more commercial-ready, a little less "I'm sorry your baby was born deformed." ~actual comment some troll left on my Insta about Will.~

To be clear, Will is not deformed, nor did the image I shared look like he was, people are monsters.

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Baby Will: 2 months.

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I'm just going to make a draft for each of these monthly posts that says "how is it time for this again already why time stop too fast bad don't grow MY BABY."

My sentence structure is fully intact after yet another night of waking up every hour, you'll be happy to notice.

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Baby Will: 1 month.

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Aaaand here we go again with the "time is going too fast please stop can't handle it too big." 

This. Little. Squishy. It is the most fun having a new baby, and super extra fun watching Beck learn about him. She gets so excited when they make eye contact, and aggressively worried when Will cries, which luckily isn't too much just yet. 

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Will's Birth Story (part 2)

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read part 1 of will's birth story here. 

One of the things I was most looking forward to when we had Will was Beck meeting him for the first time. Our night in the birth center was short and sweet-ish but exhausting, so we packed up early and came home. Since Will was born before 10pm we could have stayed all night (usually you stay 6-8 hours after birth as long as everything is OK), but as long as you're in the care of the nurses you have to have vitals done every 2 hours. AND, because vitals take awhile they start them at the 90 minute mark, which means we got about 85-minute stretches of sleep. Jay snored loudly during this time (he is currently shaking his head as if I lie about this all the time), I stared at Will and contemplated things that were achy or burny, and Will snorted as if competing with his father. 

Our vitals came back normal each time, so at 4am I got antsy and asked if we could go home since I was hardly sleeping. We put Will in his first-ever little outfit (that I got on my last solo trip to NYC at the Monica and Andy store, and I adore it so much because the trip was so much fun), I slowly got dressed in my super stretchy going-home outfit, and we buckled Will into his car seat, one of the only new things we got for him. We drove home slowly and carefully, chatting about the night and what we wanted to do for our first day as a family of four (I mentioned donuts several times, and no one has procured me a donut at nearly 2 weeks postpartum), and got home around 5:30am. 

At this point we dropped Will in the Uppababy Vista bassinet we had carefully set up by our bed, slept for three straight hours, just the three of us, and it was the last time I slept for three hours straight. No joke. 

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Will's Birth Story (part 1)

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Today is my due date. This feels so similar to three years ago when I wrote about Beck barging out of my body and into the world. It's all the same and all different, all the feelings, none of the sleep or time to process them, big life changes, all of it. 

So. Last week. On Wednesday we had our 39 week appointment and the midwife we saw didn't have a ton to say besides that everything looked fine and she didn't think she'd see us for our 40 week appointment. She had no reason to say this since there weren't any actual signs that I'd go into labor and our providers don't do cervical checks (since dilating or not isn't an indication of when you'll actually go into labor), so I was half encouraged/half "you don't know anything," which is my preferred feeling around the end of pregnancy. No one knows when it'll happen or how it'll go and this makes things very hard for me on an emotional level. 

Spoiler alert, Will was born at 39 weeks and one day exactly like his sister, so ... I kind of knew what was going on. ...

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