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pregnancy
The Week Jay Freaked Out About Crowning And Other Birth-Related Items
Jay just got the courage up to write about the night in birth class that included birth videos. On the drive home that night he was QUIET, and it took awhile for him to process what he'd seen.
Week three of birthing class was intense. While the first two weeks of class were lecture based with group conversations, week three focused on videos. Unedited, raw, no green-screen digital effects, real-as-shit video. These videos should be shown in high schools everywhere. They'd be the best condom commercials ever. These are films that John Carpenter, Sam Rami, Eli Roth, and Wes Craven would have been proud of. I remember the first time I ever saw a porno movie and being excited to experience first hand what I was witnessing. It would take me many, many years to remotely come close to the action I saw in that video, and so I guess part of the shock of these birthing videos is the immediacy of birth. While these birthing videos were just as graphic and moan-filled as any porn I’ve seen, they were also just as terrifying as any horror movie I’ve seen. It’s scary because you don’t want to see the woman you love be in pain. It’s terrifying because you can’t do anything except be calm (which seems fucking impossible), supportive, and try to keep her as relaxed as possible. I totally understand a doula’s purpose. I would love a coach just for me. When a pitcher is struggling in a baseball game, the manager will walk out to the mound and help calm the pitcher down and reassure him of his ability. I need that in the delivery room. I want that in the delivery room. “Jay, get your head in the game delivery room. She needs you in there. Stop crying, be a man! Now get in there and be a positive, caring support system for your beautiful wife.” YOU GOT IT MAKE-BELIEVE DOULA!
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On The End Of Birth Class {lindsay}
We have graduated from birth class and are, like, totally qualified to watch my body push a kid out of it.
Which is kind of the main thing, besides Jay preparing lots of snacks. The midwives tell us at every appointment that we need to have lots of food for labor, and then other stuff says "you will vomit and not want to eat." So...snacks it is! Other than that we're supposed to let contractions happen and THAT sounds like a blast....
On Birth Class {jay}
“The female body is designed to succeed.” That is the first bit of information that our birthing class instructor told us, which is why it is written across the top page of my notepad and underlined. While this is great news for Lindsay, it doesn’t say much about my success rate. The law of averages puts my performance squarely in the shitter, struggling not to fail and implode. This birthing class helps provide us with a clear (and I mean crystal clear) understanding of what the birthing experience will be like. Lindsay is the star of this production and I’m fulfilling the role of being a stage Mom. I am to be abundantly supportive, have snacks ready at moment’s notice, and prevent myself from saying anything stupid or alarming like, “Honey, you think they could perform a c-section with a chainsaw? Like if they HAD to.” But, this class is really wonderful. It’s been great to receive information in a positive, supportive environment that is totally cool with smart ass remarks. Allow me to share some of my notes with you.
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Happy Birthday, Mama!
My mom's birthday is today, and we had a big fun celebration for her and my grandmother and sister earlier, who ALSO have birthdays around this time. It was a great time, and it's been so much fun being pregnant and spending time with my mom - the girl has some knowledge about the fact since she birthed 4 of us, and I'm trying to soak up everything she tells me so that I can be just like her. 
Seriously.
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