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    Home » pregnancy » Page 2

    pregnancy

    Third Trimester Maternity Favs

    December 1, 2015 by Lindsay 1 Comment

    WELL.  IMG_7684 edited

    To celebrate being 38 weeks pregnant, I have thrown out my back and can barely move.  And no, this is not back labor unless back labor is spasms in the mid/upper back that only occur when I move the wrong way and/or breathe.  

    Run of the mill thrown-out-back, but WHAT THE EFF, BODY.  Clearly we have plenty to deal with without adding another thing, right?  Apparently not.  

    But, to further celebrate yesterday being CYBER MONDAY and all the monayyy I spent, let's have a list of things I've loved in the end-zone of pregnancy.  The first list is here!  

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    Five for Friday ~jay's birthday

    November 27, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

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    Pregnancy Right Now: 37 Weeks + Pictures!

    November 25, 2015 by Lindsay 1 Comment

    So we arrived. To full-term, to the point where if I go into labor right. this. second. we can attempt birth at the birth center (always as long as nothing changes or goes wrong) and no one will lose their minds.  Except me, who is always losing her mind.  Hence the ironic picture.  IMG_7985

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    For Posterity's Sake

    November 24, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

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    Family, in Pictures

    November 17, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    On Saturday two of my best friends threw me  a baby shower (it feels selfish to say that like...they threw the baby a shower and I'm just her representative) and it was lovely and wonderful and I'm going to tell you all about it.  The party was in our neighborhood, so before we headed over my sisters and mom came over to take some pictures because 1. we didn't at the beach this year, 2. we were all showered and looked pretty good and 3. we won't all be together at Thanksgiving, which is when we usually have this ritual of kind of fighting about pictures but then being really happy we took some.  IMG_8278

    It's always kind of a process.  

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    Pregnancy Right Now - Week 35

    November 11, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    We have arrived at the total downhill mark of things.  After 30 weeks it felt kind of like an uphill battle to get to 35 without being so terribly all the time impatient, but NOW.  Now we can say that, if full-term ends up being a thing, we will have our baby in 2 to 7 weeks (I'll be induced on day 1 of week 42 if homegirl doesn't make an appearance before then).  A 5 week window of health is wide for those of us who like to plan, but so be it.  Two more weeks, and then we just...wait.  Do normal things, work, practice car seat stuff, have Thanksgiving, and wait.  wpid-20151102_220333-01.jpeg

    I'm a little bit impatient.  

    Physically, I'm gradually slowing down.  I've gotten progressively achier and more tired, and have had a glorious cold to make everything extra special in the meantime.  I'm down to 3 yoga classes a week, and in a few weeks I won't be teaching at all, which is so weird.  Yoga is more and more uncomfortable unless I'm doing prenatal yoga, so it's definitely time to let it go.  The belly is just...there, you know?  Folds or anything involving legs near shoulders just don't work the way they used to, but I'm proud of the fact that I made it this long teaching a pretty rigorous schedule.  

    The pain I'm in comes almost exclusively from my ligaments under my belly, which just get TIRED after too much walking or standing.  I've also started to have some awful sciatic pain in my right hip that gets to me after too many hours of sitting down.  If I stand for too long my ligaments hurt, if I sit for too long my right hip bone feels like it's going to snap in half.  That particular pain is the absolute worst, take-your-breath-away kind of thing.  I can avoid it if I make sure to get up and down throughout the day, but once I've been sitting for too long and it sets in there is no fixing it until I either can be nearly totally reclined on a couch or in bed, which is super not cool when it hits about 2 hours before work is over and then I have to drive home.  Driving with that pain is my least favorite thing so far about pregnancy.  ...

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    A Conversation With Baby and Jay

    November 9, 2015 by Lindsay 1 Comment

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    The Week Jay Freaked Out About Crowning And Other Birth-Related Items

    November 3, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    Jay just got the courage up to write about the night in birth class that included birth videos.  On the drive home that night he was QUIET, and it took awhile for him to process what he'd seen.  

    Week three of birthing class was intense.  While the first two weeks of class were lecture based with group conversations, week three focused on videos.  Unedited, raw, no green-screen digital effects, real-as-shit video.  These videos should be shown in high schools everywhere.  They'd be the best condom commercials ever.  These are films that John Carpenter, Sam Rami, Eli Roth, and Wes Craven would have been proud of.  I remember the first time I ever saw a porno movie and being excited to experience first hand what I was witnessing.  It would take me many, many years to remotely come close to the action I saw in that video, and so I guess part of the shock of these birthing videos is the immediacy of birth.  While these birthing videos were just as graphic and moan-filled as any porn I’ve seen, they were also just as terrifying as any horror movie I’ve seen.  It’s scary because you don’t want to see the woman you love be in pain.  It’s terrifying because you can’t do anything except be calm (which seems fucking impossible), supportive, and try to keep her as relaxed as possible.  I totally understand a doula’s purpose.  I would love a coach just for me.  When a pitcher is struggling in a baseball game, the manager will walk out to the mound and help calm the pitcher down and reassure him of his ability.  I need that in the delivery room.  I want that in the delivery room.  “Jay, get your head in the game delivery room.  She needs you in there.  Stop crying, be a man!  Now get in there and be a positive, caring support system for your beautiful wife.”  YOU GOT IT MAKE-BELIEVE DOULA!

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    On The End Of Birth Class {lindsay}

    October 28, 2015 by Lindsay 1 Comment

    We have graduated from birth class and are, like, totally qualified to watch my body push a kid out of it.wpid-img_5011-02.jpeg

    Which is kind of the main thing, besides Jay preparing lots of snacks. The midwives tell us at every appointment that we need to have lots of food for labor, and then other stuff says "you will vomit and not want to eat." So...snacks it is! Other than that we're supposed to let contractions happen and THAT sounds like a blast....

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    On Birth Class {jay}

    October 14, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    “The female body is designed to succeed.”  That is the first bit of information that our birthing class instructor told us, which is why it is written across the top page of my notepad and underlined.  While this is great news for Lindsay, it doesn’t say much about my success rate.  The law of averages puts my performance squarely in the shitter, struggling not to fail and implode.  This birthing class helps provide us with a clear (and I mean crystal clear) understanding of what the birthing experience will be like.  Lindsay is the star of this production and I’m fulfilling the role of being a stage Mom.  I am to be abundantly supportive, have snacks ready at moment’s notice, and prevent myself from saying anything stupid or alarming like, “Honey, you think they could perform a c-section with a chainsaw?  Like if they HAD to.”  But, this class is really wonderful.  It’s been great to receive information in a positive, supportive environment that is totally cool with smart ass remarks.  Allow me to share some of my notes with you.12122718_10153596023880953_5114235507108661723_n

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    Happy Birthday, Mama!

    October 11, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    My mom's birthday is today, and we had a big fun celebration for her and my grandmother and sister earlier, who ALSO have birthdays around this time.  It was a great time, and it's been so much fun being pregnant and spending time with my mom - the girl has some knowledge about the fact since she birthed 4 of us, and I'm trying to soak up everything she tells me so that I can be just like her. DSC_0717 2

    Seriously. 

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    Pregnancy Right Now - 30 Weeks

    October 6, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    30 weeks.  30 weeks!  30 WEEKS!!  wpid-20151005_092629-01.jpeg

    It seems close to 40 and yet really far away.  I was walking with my BFF last night and she was saying that it doesn't feel like long since I was telling her I was pregnant at SEVEN weeks, and in some ways it really doesn't seem that long ago.  In others?  A lifetime.  My sense of time is all wonky.  

    But here we are, 30 weeks, only SEVEN weeks until full-term, and 10 until I reach OMG GET HER OUT stage.  Although, frankly, that might happen a lot sooner.  I keep telling myself to not even get remotely excited until my actual due date, that there's no chance she'll come early, but then I'm all OMG GET HER OUT.  So, that's fun.  

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    A Cartoon + Some Advice

    September 30, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

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    So, yesterday at the midwives (it feels like every damn day, I swear), Jay was recording my weight and was all "so, almost 20 pounds!"  And I didn't care, but I also felt the need to say, because it's true, "I don't feel like I've gained 20 pounds."  And he said VERY quickly, "you definitely don't look like you have!"

    And I just stared at him thoughtfully and said "there is literally nothing else you could have said in that moment that would have been ok.  Well done."  ...

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    Things To Google When You're Pregnant

    September 29, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    29 weeks.  wpid-20150928_163914-01.jpeg

    I've said it about a thousand times, but I'm in this funny place where moment to moment I alternate between holy shit this baby is coming tomorrow I'm not ready and omg this baby is never coming out of me what the heck.  

    So I'm super calm and confident, is what I'm saying.

    One of the most ridiculous things about being pregnant in this era is that you have so. much. information at your fingertips via the Google machines that we all are so addicted to.  I spend tons of time reading anything I can get my hands on about pregnancy, and the most ridiculous things have come up in some of my questions and searches.  I use the midwives for lots of questions, but my questions come up so often that I just can't always wait for the experts to tell me.  

    So, naturally, I make myself into an expert by reading lots of stuff, because that's practically like med school.  

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    Gestational Diabetes + Depression During Pregnancy

    September 22, 2015 by Lindsay 3 Comments

    OMG yes both in one post.  Aren't you, like, so totally excited?  

    You want cake is probably what's happening.  Me too.  

    So, we've talked kind of a lot about the glucose tolerance test that you take around mid-pregnancy to see how your body is handling sugar.  You take a little one first that is a "screener," and then if you fail that one you take a longer more involved test that can be used to actually diagnose gestational diabetes.  

    I'm writing about GD and these tests/screens at the same time I'm writing about depression because the glucose testing process is SUCH  perfect metaphor for depression in general.  And Lordy knows I love a good metaphor.  

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    "Wet Nap that off my pasty white thigh, and don’t you worry about starting a load of laundry on my account." {jay}

    September 16, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    11036650_10102164381099848_762386247003108225_nThat’s just not a baby bump under my wife’s shirt.  Apparently, it’s also her Gas Tank for Home Improvement.  Pregnancy has turned my wife into a sexy Bob Vila, with just a touch less body hair.  The bigger her belly gets, the more astonished I am at the house projects she takes on.  In the last month I have seen my pregnant wife paint our little girl’s nursery, paint our bathroom, and steam clean the carpet in our entire house.  To see her do it is amazing, and amazingly hot.  I watched her pull a massive carpet steamer out of the back her car and I got weak in the knees.  I suddenly related to those housewives that fawn over their pool boy.  That hot pregnant blonde woman in yoga pants, powerlifting a Bissel Carpet Steamer is All Mine!  I think I undid a few buttons on my shirt and held a glass of lemonade to my chest as she entered the house.  “I declare Mrs. Hastings!”  Preparing for the arrival of our child has really brought out Lindsay’s Mom Strength.  Her desire to have clean carpets somehow pushed her to deadlift that machine out of her car, and I can only hope that power will transfer to me, should I ever need her to lift a car off my torso....

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    Swaddle = Wrap Tightly. This is essentially the first step in kidnapping {jay}

    September 9, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    Preparing for the arrival of your child feels like awaiting contact from aliens.  Instead of wrapping my head in tinfoil, writing “Welcome” on my roof, and trying to prevent an anal probe, I’ve been reading baby books, buying over-priced furniture, and trying not to freak out.  “The Happiest Baby on the Block” is the book I’ve been reading.  I’m trying to get ahead of the tsunami of information I don’t know, and until very recently, did not care about.  A crying baby is what I fear the most.  I’ve seen enough Lifetime movies to know that a crying baby can send you over the edge and directly to prison.  Soothing the baby is the technique I want to master.  Swaddle, Shhh, Side/Stomach, Swing, Suck.  Those are the 5 S’s of getting your little devil angel to shut the fuck up.  It actually makes sense.  Swaddle = wrap tightly. This is essentially the first step in kidnapping.  Tie the little girl up so she knows resistance is futile.  Shhhhh = literally, “Shut the fuck up”, but in a very friendly, caring way.  Side/Stomach = render the little human defenseless like a turtle on its back.  Swing = hypnotize.  Instead of following a moving watch, you just put the little critter in a swing and like an infomercial host would say, “Set It And Forget It!”  Suck = boob in the mouth.  This makes the most sense.  I can’t remember the last time I was fussy with a tit in my face and/or mouth.  Pretty much solves all my problems.

    Having a broken leg has been a blessing and a curse.  While I have been forced to sit on the sidelines, it has also restricted my voice from being heard on the playing field; which is a good thing.  Lindsay has done an amazing job creating the nursery.  She has painted, moved furniture, cleaned carpets, and organized furniture purchases.  I have tried to remain supportive and try not to be an opinionated S.O.B. Lindsay is awesome at using a mixture of hand-me-downs, slightly used, and new items for our little angel’s new room.  I’m really happy with the way it’s all coming together, and this broken leg has prevented/helped me not lift one finger in helping!

    While visiting baby super stores such as Buy Buy Baby and Baby’s R Us, I’ve noticed one truth.  Every single man being lead through that store has no clue what is going on.  We are herded, directed, and instructed on what is important, why it is so, and what we need to concentrate on.  While I want to know how that breast pump works and if it can be used for any recreation activities, I’m told that is not important and to focus on bottles.  Apparently, babies are now particular to bottles and not must have at least three types of bottles to choose from.  The same goes for pacifiers.  If this isn’t an absolute scheme from the horrible people at Gerber and Johnson & Johnson, then I don’t know what is.  We have a plethora of diapers, wraps, strollers, car seats, powders, creams, and apparently it’s a guessing game if the kid is going to come out of the womb band loyal to a specific item.  “Oh father, I shan’t be caught sucking on a Soothies pacifier!  Whatever will my daycare peers think of me?”  Luckily, Lindsay has been pretty good about not buying into most of the marketing fraud directed at parents.  However, it is a tough pitch to dodge, as they make you feel like you don’t love your child and you’re willing to let them die in order to save a few bucks. 

     

    Maternity clothes look just like any other clothes, unless you get to see them being put on.  It’s the same mentality with hotdogs.  Delicious but you don’t want to see how they’re made.  I find it so funny that Lindsay can look like a super model walking down the street, but then when we get ready for bed I get to see the magic that holds up her pants.  They look so strange and weird.  I honestly don’t know why fat men haven’t stolen this technology for themselves.  “Do you constantly find yourself losing circulation below your waistline?  Would you like to eat your way to an orb shape?  Are you scare your penis might get a sunburn?  Well, keep on eating and stretch on those “skinny” jeans out with the new all male Belly Band!”  With football season right around the corner this makes so much sense.  I think I just found a business idea.  It’s not like this fat country is going to start losing weight.  We invented the Double Down for Christ’s sake.  The name Belly Band is taken, so I’m thinking…”Gut Buster”, or the “Freedom Pant”.  I’m serious about this.  Screw saving for college money, I’m going to get the patent started!

    Low-Carb Eats

    September 8, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    Well, Tuesday.  

    IMG_1128

    We're coming off a long weekend and I have to take that effing Glucose Tolerance Test this afternoon, so maybe we all need to man up and eat some veggies like big kids, amirite?  

    PS in preparation for this appointment this afternoon, at the suggestion of several, I've been kind of low-carbing it for approximately 4 seconds, WHICH I HATE, and yesterday of course we went to a baseball game with BEER AND DONUTS AND ICE CREAM AND FRIED CHICKEN AND SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL.  

    Not ok.  It was pretty rough.  

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    Pregnancy Right Now: 25 Weeks

    September 2, 2015 by Lindsay Leave a Comment

    25 weeks sounds like a nice round number, but in reality it's like super duper lame in pregnancy terms. Congrats, you're almost to the third trimester, almost have a viable, ALMOST ready to have another ultrasound, blah blah blah. Nothing. That's been kind of the name of the game from weeks 21-now, and I don't expect a ton to change for a few more weeks. 30 weeks sounds really exciting, riiight?

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    Of course, when I hit 37 or so and am massive I'll be all WHERE DID THE TIME GO I HAVE NOTHING DONE, but so be it. Never satisfied and all that jazz.
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    Pregnancy Right Now - Favorites

    August 19, 2015 by Lindsay 2 Comments

    It's time for a list of products that are making me happy. 11039047_10100596563339263_2452808717612327569_n

    Note that I didn't say necessary, or life easier or better, just happy.  

    I think that's kind of key when you're dealing with pregnancy hormones and depression and mood swings.  Just happiness.  There's a lot to be excited about, and a lot to look forward to, but of course that is coupled with anxiety and worry and gross stuff.  #vaginalmucous

    So, happy.  

    Here are some things that I've found to be useful!  And....some things that are not so much.  

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