Spoiler alert: I have no clue.
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pregnancy
Third Trimester Maternity Favs
WELL. 
To celebrate being 38 weeks pregnant, I have thrown out my back and can barely move. And no, this is not back labor unless back labor is spasms in the mid/upper back that only occur when I move the wrong way and/or breathe.
Run of the mill thrown-out-back, but WHAT THE EFF, BODY. Clearly we have plenty to deal with without adding another thing, right? Apparently not.
But, to further celebrate yesterday being CYBER MONDAY and all the monayyy I spent, let's have a list of things I've loved in the end-zone of pregnancy. The first list is here!
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Five for Friday ~jay's birthday
Pregnancy Right Now: 37 Weeks + Pictures!
So we arrived. To full-term, to the point where if I go into labor right. this. second. we can attempt birth at the birth center (always as long as nothing changes or goes wrong) and no one will lose their minds. Except me, who is always losing her mind. Hence the ironic picture. 
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For Posterity's Sake
Five for Friday
Family, in Pictures
On Saturday two of my best friends threw me a baby shower (it feels selfish to say that like...they threw the baby a shower and I'm just her representative) and it was lovely and wonderful and I'm going to tell you all about it. The party was in our neighborhood, so before we headed over my sisters and mom came over to take some pictures because 1. we didn't at the beach this year, 2. we were all showered and looked pretty good and 3. we won't all be together at Thanksgiving, which is when we usually have this ritual of kind of fighting about pictures but then being really happy we took some. 
It's always kind of a process.
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Five for Friday
Pregnancy Right Now - Week 35
We have arrived at the total downhill mark of things. After 30 weeks it felt kind of like an uphill battle to get to 35 without being so terribly all the time impatient, but NOW. Now we can say that, if full-term ends up being a thing, we will have our baby in 2 to 7 weeks (I'll be induced on day 1 of week 42 if homegirl doesn't make an appearance before then). A 5 week window of health is wide for those of us who like to plan, but so be it. Two more weeks, and then we just...wait. Do normal things, work, practice car seat stuff, have Thanksgiving, and wait. 
I'm a little bit impatient.
Physically, I'm gradually slowing down. I've gotten progressively achier and more tired, and have had a glorious cold to make everything extra special in the meantime. I'm down to 3 yoga classes a week, and in a few weeks I won't be teaching at all, which is so weird. Yoga is more and more uncomfortable unless I'm doing prenatal yoga, so it's definitely time to let it go. The belly is just...there, you know? Folds or anything involving legs near shoulders just don't work the way they used to, but I'm proud of the fact that I made it this long teaching a pretty rigorous schedule.
The pain I'm in comes almost exclusively from my ligaments under my belly, which just get TIRED after too much walking or standing. I've also started to have some awful sciatic pain in my right hip that gets to me after too many hours of sitting down. If I stand for too long my ligaments hurt, if I sit for too long my right hip bone feels like it's going to snap in half. That particular pain is the absolute worst, take-your-breath-away kind of thing. I can avoid it if I make sure to get up and down throughout the day, but once I've been sitting for too long and it sets in there is no fixing it until I either can be nearly totally reclined on a couch or in bed, which is super not cool when it hits about 2 hours before work is over and then I have to drive home. Driving with that pain is my least favorite thing so far about pregnancy. ...
A Conversation With Baby and Jay
Five for Friday
The Week Jay Freaked Out About Crowning And Other Birth-Related Items
Jay just got the courage up to write about the night in birth class that included birth videos. On the drive home that night he was QUIET, and it took awhile for him to process what he'd seen.
Week three of birthing class was intense. While the first two weeks of class were lecture based with group conversations, week three focused on videos. Unedited, raw, no green-screen digital effects, real-as-shit video. These videos should be shown in high schools everywhere. They'd be the best condom commercials ever. These are films that John Carpenter, Sam Rami, Eli Roth, and Wes Craven would have been proud of. I remember the first time I ever saw a porno movie and being excited to experience first hand what I was witnessing. It would take me many, many years to remotely come close to the action I saw in that video, and so I guess part of the shock of these birthing videos is the immediacy of birth. While these birthing videos were just as graphic and moan-filled as any porn I’ve seen, they were also just as terrifying as any horror movie I’ve seen. It’s scary because you don’t want to see the woman you love be in pain. It’s terrifying because you can’t do anything except be calm (which seems fucking impossible), supportive, and try to keep her as relaxed as possible. I totally understand a doula’s purpose. I would love a coach just for me. When a pitcher is struggling in a baseball game, the manager will walk out to the mound and help calm the pitcher down and reassure him of his ability. I need that in the delivery room. I want that in the delivery room. “Jay, get your head in the game delivery room. She needs you in there. Stop crying, be a man! Now get in there and be a positive, caring support system for your beautiful wife.” YOU GOT IT MAKE-BELIEVE DOULA!
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On The End Of Birth Class {lindsay}
We have graduated from birth class and are, like, totally qualified to watch my body push a kid out of it.
Which is kind of the main thing, besides Jay preparing lots of snacks. The midwives tell us at every appointment that we need to have lots of food for labor, and then other stuff says "you will vomit and not want to eat." So...snacks it is! Other than that we're supposed to let contractions happen and THAT sounds like a blast....
Five for Friday
On Birth Class {jay}
“The female body is designed to succeed.” That is the first bit of information that our birthing class instructor told us, which is why it is written across the top page of my notepad and underlined. While this is great news for Lindsay, it doesn’t say much about my success rate. The law of averages puts my performance squarely in the shitter, struggling not to fail and implode. This birthing class helps provide us with a clear (and I mean crystal clear) understanding of what the birthing experience will be like. Lindsay is the star of this production and I’m fulfilling the role of being a stage Mom. I am to be abundantly supportive, have snacks ready at moment’s notice, and prevent myself from saying anything stupid or alarming like, “Honey, you think they could perform a c-section with a chainsaw? Like if they HAD to.” But, this class is really wonderful. It’s been great to receive information in a positive, supportive environment that is totally cool with smart ass remarks. Allow me to share some of my notes with you.
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Happy Birthday, Mama!
My mom's birthday is today, and we had a big fun celebration for her and my grandmother and sister earlier, who ALSO have birthdays around this time. It was a great time, and it's been so much fun being pregnant and spending time with my mom - the girl has some knowledge about the fact since she birthed 4 of us, and I'm trying to soak up everything she tells me so that I can be just like her. 
Seriously.
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Pregnancy Right Now - 30 Weeks
30 weeks. 30 weeks! 30 WEEKS!! 
It seems close to 40 and yet really far away. I was walking with my BFF last night and she was saying that it doesn't feel like long since I was telling her I was pregnant at SEVEN weeks, and in some ways it really doesn't seem that long ago. In others? A lifetime. My sense of time is all wonky.
But here we are, 30 weeks, only SEVEN weeks until full-term, and 10 until I reach OMG GET HER OUT stage. Although, frankly, that might happen a lot sooner. I keep telling myself to not even get remotely excited until my actual due date, that there's no chance she'll come early, but then I'm all OMG GET HER OUT. So, that's fun.
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A Cartoon + Some Advice
So, yesterday at the midwives (it feels like every damn day, I swear), Jay was recording my weight and was all "so, almost 20 pounds!" And I didn't care, but I also felt the need to say, because it's true, "I don't feel like I've gained 20 pounds." And he said VERY quickly, "you definitely don't look like you have!"
And I just stared at him thoughtfully and said "there is literally nothing else you could have said in that moment that would have been ok. Well done." ...
Things To Google When You're Pregnant
29 weeks. 
I've said it about a thousand times, but I'm in this funny place where moment to moment I alternate between holy shit this baby is coming tomorrow I'm not ready and omg this baby is never coming out of me what the heck.
So I'm super calm and confident, is what I'm saying.
One of the most ridiculous things about being pregnant in this era is that you have so. much. information at your fingertips via the Google machines that we all are so addicted to. I spend tons of time reading anything I can get my hands on about pregnancy, and the most ridiculous things have come up in some of my questions and searches. I use the midwives for lots of questions, but my questions come up so often that I just can't always wait for the experts to tell me.
So, naturally, I make myself into an expert by reading lots of stuff, because that's practically like med school.
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Happy Fall, Y'all!
Pretty much that's it. It's Fall today, which means I can wear my new boots and I should definitely change my wreath but I really like my summer wreath and also BABY because Winter doesn't start until....after my due date. I don't know when. It, quite literally, the season. ...