Postpartum Life at 6 Months

So, on a normal day where I'm not working at the hospital, here is a snapshot of my day with Beck:  

1. Wake up.  
2. Make Jay's lunch. 
3. Nurse. 
4. Pump. 
5. Feed Beck solids.  
6. Kiss Jay goodbye.  
7. Attempt to half-ass a blog while Beck plays alone.  
8. Play with Beck. 
9. Attempt a nap.  Beck screams.  
10. Pump
11. 45 minutes later, give up on nap.  
12. Nurse.  
13. Walk in 95 degree heat (only this week, but still).  Beck sleeps in stroller, naturally.  
14. Drink all the water. 
15. Take all the fenugreek. 
16. Pump.  
17. Lunch.  Something.  Leftovers. 
18. Play with Beck, now happy due to sleep.  
19. Shower.  Beck now screaming due to not being paid attention to every. single. waking. moment. 
20. Nurse. 
21. Attempt nap # 2.  Usually works.  Computer work as fast and hard as I can while sleep happens.  
22. Clean something in house as fast and hard as I can while sleep happens.  
23. Pump.  
24. Nap over too soon.  Beck wakes up crying because she's still tired.  
25. Nurse.  
26. Errands.  
27. Pump.  Plan dinner with Jay on phone via gchat while pumping and talking to Beck at the same time so she doesn't lose it. 
28. Feed Beck solids.  
29. Play with Beck.  
30. Nurse.  
31. Drink all the water.  
32. Take all the fenugreek.  
33. Attempt nap # 3.  Usually works.  Start dinner, shower?!!? more computer work, clean something.  
34. Nap over too soon.  Beck wakes up crying because she's still tired.  
35. Text other new moms to be sure I'm not alone in this.  I'm not, phew.  
36. Nurse.  
37. Feed Beck solids.  
38. JAY COMES HOME.  Hand him baby, feel guilty for making him work as soon as he gets home from work and guilty for wanting a break from my kid.  
39. Cook dinner.  
40. Nurse.  
41. Baby to bed.  
42. Eat dinner.  
43. More work if energy allows.  
44. Die of exhaustion.  Baby will be up in 2 hours to nurse, can't night train yet because she needs to gain more weight.  

What I'm trying to say is this.  Go back up to #7.  This blog is SUCKING because of this baby, and that's not her fault.  In addition that 44-part list, I have band practice, work a few days a week, supervision for my clinical license, teach yoga, and sometimes I brush my teeth and shower in the same day.  Sometimes.  I also do not want to get divorced, and that also takes time and effort and energy, all 3 of which Jay deserves about 87 times more than that I'm giving him.  

There is simply not enough time, and this little website (and your readership and my stats) are suffering because of it.  

So I'm stopping, because it's not fun anymore.  It feels like a chore, and it makes me very little money, even as annoying as those ads are.  I need to enjoy the 44 step process to keeping a kid alive and fed during the day, and something has to go.  

But!  It's not forever.  This blog has been alive for 5 years, so if I quit today forever it's not for lack of trying, I know that.  But I'm planning a major facelift for the site later this summer, have some ideas for new content, and recipe thoughts like nothing you've ever seen.  So I'm going to take a break, evaluate what I like and don't like, try to sleep some more, and see where that takes me.  When the technical stuff is done for the site I'll come back and hopefully it'll be better than ever.  And if it's not, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  

There are still some of you who read every day, and it means so much to me that ANYONE cares what I have to say, because mostly it's boring and half-assed and mundane.  So, if there are things you really love and want to see more of or things you love on other sites that I don't do, I'd really like to know that too.  I've also considered eliminating any content from me and only posting pictures of Beck's faces as she tries new foods.  Talk about lowering your blood pressure.  

So that's it, for now.  If you'd like to pin every recipe I've ever written so that the site doesn't completely die while I'm away that'd be great.  But mainly, I'd love your thoughts and suggestions, or invitations to happy hour now that I'm giving myself a little more free time.  

xoxo