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Home » dogs

In Order To Buy a House...

Published: May 29, 2012 Last Updated: Aug 2022 by Lindsay This post may contain affiliate links to products I use and enjoy. 4 Comments

You must, first...

  • pick a realtor
  • work with a lender for pre-approval
  • send said lender 8,393 documents proving that you are legit and can afford a house payment every month
  • think in your brain about whether current life partner should remain life partner
  • decide yes
  • look at houses
  • love a house
  • make an offer
  • have offer rejected
  • cry
  • think in your brain about whether current life partner should remain life partner
  • decide yes
  • drink excessively
  • get over yourself, look at more houses
  • find another house you like
  • take parents to see house
  • think about things that are wrong with house
  • make an offer
  • have offer ignored for 10 days because seller doesn't want to sell because he's getting married and his fiancee can't find a house she likes for TWICE THE PRICE that his house is selling for
  • wonder why it is so hard to give people money
  • cry
  • think in your brain about whether current life partner should remain life partner
  • decide yes
  • look at more houses
  • repeat
  • find recently reduced house that you love
  • make an offer on the house
  • negotiate terms
  • have offer accepted on the house
  • send lender new round of documents proving you're legit
  • explain to lender why you deposit large amounts of cash then write checks to a third party organization with no documentation
  • try to convince lender that you aren't selling drugs or laundering money
  • find out that house has been moved from a past location and doesn't qualify for the loan you were planning on, and now your down payment will double
  • cry
  • freak out
  • convince life partner to not back out of deal
  • cry
  • find out that house is in a flood zone and monthly payment will increase
  • cry
  • freak out
  • convince life partner not to back out of deal
  • learn that the flood lines will be redrawn next year, after which time the house will no longer be in a flood plain
  • try to convince government to act as though the new lines are already in effect
  • fail
  • cry
  • freak out
  • prepare to move
  • on closing day, with boxes packed, find out that closing can't happen that day due to another governmental regulation that makes no sense
  • cry
  • freak out
  • sign early occupancy agreement
  • gather friends and family, begin moving belongings
  • hang clothes in closet
  • hear bang
  • discover closet fixtures crashed to the floor, observe gaping hole in wall
  • cry
  • freak out
  • spend two days moving
  • reconvene at lawyer's office
  • sign name 9,837 times
  • close on house
  • go home
  • survey thousands of boxes that may never get unpacked
  • pour glass of wine
  • cry
  • freak out

What I'm trying to say is, we had a great weekend and got a crap ton unpacked and hung up and our house doesn't look like that photo anymore.

The end.

 

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. thebigfatnoodle

    May 29, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Well don, looks like it was worth all those get tears 🙂

    Reply
  2. Ivy Yau

    May 29, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Hilarious! It is so true and so close to my own experience. It's a very emotional process. Congrats on the home ownership!

    Reply

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Image of Lindsay Howerton-Hastings smiling sitting on dark gray couch wearing chambray blue shirt.

Hi! I'm Lindsay. I'm a maternal mental health therapist, a recipe developer, food writer, and taker of all kinds of pictures. Thank you so much for being here! This blog is about how to take care of yourself and your people without taking anything too seriously.

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