You must, first...
- pick a realtor
- work with a lender for pre-approval
- send said lender 8,393 documents proving that you are legit and can afford a house payment every month
- think in your brain about whether current life partner should remain life partner
- decide yes
- look at houses
- love a house
- make an offer
- have offer rejected
- cry
- think in your brain about whether current life partner should remain life partner
- decide yes
- drink excessively
- get over yourself, look at more houses
- find another house you like
- take parents to see house
- think about things that are wrong with house
- make an offer
- have offer ignored for 10 days because seller doesn't want to sell because he's getting married and his fiancee can't find a house she likes for TWICE THE PRICE that his house is selling for
- wonder why it is so hard to give people money
- cry
- think in your brain about whether current life partner should remain life partner
- decide yes
- look at more houses
- repeat
- find recently reduced house that you love
- make an offer on the house
- negotiate terms
- have offer accepted on the house
- send lender new round of documents proving you're legit
- explain to lender why you deposit large amounts of cash then write checks to a third party organization with no documentation
- try to convince lender that you aren't selling drugs or laundering money
- find out that house has been moved from a past location and doesn't qualify for the loan you were planning on, and now your down payment will double
- cry
- freak out
- convince life partner to not back out of deal
- cry
- find out that house is in a flood zone and monthly payment will increase
- cry
- freak out
- convince life partner not to back out of deal
- learn that the flood lines will be redrawn next year, after which time the house will no longer be in a flood plain
- try to convince government to act as though the new lines are already in effect
- fail
- cry
- freak out
- prepare to move
- on closing day, with boxes packed, find out that closing can't happen that day due to another governmental regulation that makes no sense
- cry
- freak out
- sign early occupancy agreement
- gather friends and family, begin moving belongings
- hang clothes in closet
- hear bang
- discover closet fixtures crashed to the floor, observe gaping hole in wall
- cry
- freak out
- spend two days moving
- reconvene at lawyer's office
- sign name 9,837 times
- close on house
- go home
- survey thousands of boxes that may never get unpacked
- pour glass of wine
- cry
- freak out
What I'm trying to say is, we had a great weekend and got a crap ton unpacked and hung up and our house doesn't look like that photo anymore.
The end.
Hilarious! It is so true and so close to my own experience. It's a very emotional process. Congrats on the home ownership!
Well don, looks like it was worth all those get tears 🙂