I hate New Year's resolutions so much. Not like...hate them for you, just for me. Because I want to make a resolution of "I'll not eat a burger and choose a salad one time!" and call it a day.
I also find them frustrating because my yoga classes are slammed in January and then come February I realize it wasn't me, it was you...making resolutions you weren't going to keep. Do more yoga! Your spine will thank you.
But! I do like to use this time to reflect on the last year, the coming year, and ways in general I can do better and be better.
This year, I'm going with Grace and Intention. ....for the names for our second and third children.
No omg no.
The grace part is simple enough - try to be more kind, gentler, listen more, talk less, everything I know I should be doing all of the time. I'm more aware every day of how much Beck notices, and that will only increase as time marches on. I don't want her to see a mother who flies off the handle for no reason at all, I want her to see someone who is thoughtful and thinks before she acts, someone who can let little things go without making a massive production about everything. In short, I want the outside of myself to match the inside of myself.
The intention piece of this year is more about me personally. I do a lot, it's a funny joke haha, but I have a lot of interests. For a long time I've been working on one school or certification or another, and right now I'm at the point where a few things are done - grad school, licensure, yoga certification - I have it all done, so now what? Why do I have 8 jobs instead of one full time one? Why not let some things go and spend more time REALLY with Beck now that Jay has a better job? Jay and I have started talking more about these things, and, while I don't have answers to any of it yet, I want to continue to make some shifts personally and professionally that make sense in the long run, not just adding or subtracting things willy nilly.
I think that if those two ideas are at the forefront of life this year, other things might fall into place. More productivity when I'm working, more time for real rest and relaxation, a heightened ability to live in the moment instead of always having something else I should be doing in my mind. Nothing is ever perfect, and nothing will ever shift overnight, but I think a little bit more awareness about who I want to be might get me to where I want to be, even if I'm not sure what that looks like yet.
I also have a resolution for Jay to do more dishes while I watch Mistresses and Beck to grow teeth (13 months and still none!). I can make resolutions for other people, right? That's graceful.