Baby Will: 3 Months.

The good news here is that this is the time when babies start to look a little more commercial-ready, a little less "I'm sorry your baby was born deformed." ~actual comment some troll left on my Insta about Will.~

To be clear, Will is not deformed, nor did the image I shared look like he was, people are monsters.

But, this baby, at three months old, is anything but monstrous, even in the middle of the night when he is nursing all the damn time. We/he had a growth spurt last week and I swear it doesn't matter how much I know or remember or understand, infant growth spurts are actual torture and I'll NEVER make it through and it was DEFINITELY not this bad with Beck, and WHY GOD WHY.

Here's how it goes: when babies are almost spurting, they nurse a TON to tell their mom's bod to prep for growing. Mom's bod, in theory, responds with producing more milk, enough to sustain the growth spurt and a bigger appetite for a bigger baby. This is cool and fabulous and yay boobs and bodies. It works, mostly! The problem is, of course, that Will's version of nursing a ton is every hour or so for a day, maybe two. He can't settle down, he doesn't sleep well, he takes long chunks of sleep during the day when I can't rest, and at night when things are boring he will ONLY eat. And then the next day five new things don't fit him, he repeats the cycle, and then magically goes back to sleeping vaguely like a person instead of a demonbaby.

The thing about infant growth spurts with a toddler to also deal with is that I am terrible at managing them (the growth spurt, I vaguely still mange the kids). The description reads like every single paragraph I've written detailing why someone should be in a hospital: "client is anxious, tearful, irritable, has trouble sleeping, feels exhausted but unable to rest, racing thoughts, trouble concentrating, confusion, facts tangled, poor historian of her own life, denies thoughts of suicide or homicide but endorses feelings of not wanting to exist within her own life."

It's horrible, basically. He is all cute and smiley like "what do you mean you don't want to wake up again?" and I'm all "tomorrow is going to be the worst, ever, see paragraph above." Luckily it goes fast. Luckily we have friends and family in town. Luckily Beck goes to school. But still. Ugh. The spurting and plateauing was really a design flaw, and I stand by that.

The benefit of these growth spurts, of course, is that Will is gaining weight like a champ, eating a ton (and efficiently, something else I'm so grateful for), smiling for anyone who will pay him attention, and generally being pretty chill as long as we keep his wake times to under 90 minutes. He still has pretty short eat/wake/sleep cycles, but is getting really good at going down for naps and night by himself, which was a skill that Beck didn't have until some Baby Thunderdome Sleep Training According to Lindsay. This will be a book I write when I start sleeping more.

Milestones are! Smiling. Following interesting things with eyes. Holding himself up on his arms when he's on his stomach. Getting his own hands to his mouth, which baffles him every time like "omg didn't think that would work," and it's just the cutest thing. A few times when I've put him on his stomach he's allllmost rolled from front to back, which is great for development but sad because it's really nice to be able to set him on the top of the car and stuff and not worry about him rolling off.

That was a joke.

Our days are loosely scheduled and we fit in errands (Target with both kids is just exhausting), park trips, walks (walking both kids and both dogs is just exhausting), naps or nap attempts, lots of nursing and pumping, and lying on the floor staring at each other. Beck is a huge help when she wants to be, bringing me "birth" (burp) cloths, shaking toys in front of Will's face, and yelling AH-GOOOOOOOO YOU'RE SO CUTE! in his face and scaring him half to death. Being a second child is not for the faint of heart, that's the damn truth.

Lying on the floor staring at each other is my very favorite thing, if I'm being honest. This is a stage where babies do know who a person or two are, and I'm really glad to be one of the people that Will recognizes. Beck and I did this a lot too when she was teeny, hanging out on her floor in the quiet with no dogs, devices, or other people, and it's one of my favorite memories of being home with her as well.

Thigh chunk is progressing nicely, baths are a favorite time, and ceiling fans remain ever-fascinating. For me, I love every minute of having this baby except for when I forget and get really fixated on how crazy not sleeping makes me, how hormonal I still feel, and how it is just such a crock of crap that parents don't get extra hours added to their days when babies are born.

Another design flaw, but we're dealing with it. HOW has it been 3 months since he was born?