I'm 30 today. I don't know what I should feel like, but I feel 1. tired, 2. indifferent, and 3. psyched because I'm in a great weird changey place right now. I don't feel old because....do you ever feel old, or just older? I've been thinking a lot about that lately. 
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Anyway. Here are some great things right now (in no particular order).
- Jay. He's everything that I could have ever wanted in a life partner. See also: hilarious.
- Beck. Second only to her dad, I can't imagine our life without her even thought it's challenging and was SO MUCH EASIER before her, let's be real.
- Spring. My birthday is the day after the vernal equinox, so I was born on the first day of spring. It works for me.
- Dry rose. It's so trendy, and I missed it when I was pregnant, so I'm psyched for warmer weather and dry rose in an unpregnant body.
- 2 dogs who are happy to see me every morning.
- Trevor Noah, sinking ratings and all.
- Cooking. And the calm it brings me.
- Food. And the joy I have in sharing it.
- Unsalted cashews. This weekend I accidentally bought a massive container of unsalted mixed nuts and the cashews are the only thing I like sans salt.
- My work. I'm grateful that I'm on a path that allows me to help people in some way every day. I didn't say my job, because I'm in the middle of a battle to even keep my job post-baby, but I'm glad to work where I do nonetheless.
- Baby clothes. I'm obsessed, and I secretly love how fast Beck is growing because "omg what you outgrew that? let me buy more!!"
- My parents-in-law. There are three of them, and I give them a lot of grief, but I adore them as Beck's grandparents and as adult mentors in my life.
- My sisters-in-law. Jay has the best sisters ever, period.
- My brothers-in-law. Being the outlaws together, well, we just get each other.
- Rosemary walnut chicken salad. I made it twice recently. Want the recipe?
- Yoga. 6 years ago I was engaged to a man I ultimately didn't marry, and right after we split I started doing yoga meaningfully. It saved me, I really believe that.
- Japan. I went to high school there, and it's been 10 years now since I was there to study abroad in college, and to say that I was made who I am by living there is an understatement.
- Music, and my band. I adore singing so much.
- Stephen Colbert, because he's from South Carolina.
- FunnyLove! The blog. The Insta. The ability to chat nonsensically all day 'er day and to have you actually listen.
- In addition to this blog, the internet in general. I love connecting to old acquaintances so much about life, babies, shared interests, or ANYTHING. There are a few ladies recently who live far away that I've spent lots of time talking with about life and I just love it so much. Long live the interwebz.
- Emily. My first sister, with whom I have the most volitile and important relationship in my whole life.
- Olivia. My second sister, who is getting married, who reminds me constantly to try to see things from someone else's perspective. She is calm and kind and wise beyond all of our years.
- Katie. Olivia's fiance, who is saving us all.
- The Supreme Court. I am less angry day-to-day because of their decision last summer that allowed Katie to become our real sister-in-law, even though not much will change in practice.
- Julianne. The littlest sister, who is funny, smart, opinionated, and really good at co-party-planning, as I found out last weekend. I love her so very much. Also she never looks at me weird when I say crazy stuff, and also I don't mind when she reminds me constantly that I'm 9 (NINE) years older than her.
- My mom. I have never had much bad to say about her, but having a baby and seeing her support me and Beck in this crazy transitional time with such incredible patience is one of the things I'm the most grateful in the world right now.
- My dad. He loves me and my sisters and our families like nothing you could ever imagine.
- My friends. They're celebrating with me today because Jay is out of town, and I'm so grateful.
- Thirty. It took me this many years to find even a hint of dignity and calmness about the world, and I imagine 40 will be even better.
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